Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Dick Pics Conspiracy?

I was married for 14 years.
Now I'm newly single, and let me tell you something. . .
things are different in the dating world.

There's these things called online dating sites, which (and don't laugh at me experienced single women) I think sites like okcupid are really a conspiracy created by a massively large group of men that gain pleasure from sending dick pics.





Anyone? Is this true? Dick Pic conspiracy? Yay or Nay.



Okay. I have a profile on Okcupid. And let me tell you, I think writing a good profile is an art. Initially, I thought I had a great self-narrative. 


My friends read and said, "Kenya, you sound like a bitch."


I checked and. . .I may have been a bit angry. . .I simply listed characteristics of Douche Bags and said if they fit those, then don't message me.





Not a good idea. I wasn't supposed to date at that point anyway. I stopped the site and returned to healing.


Now I'm back to trying this single thing again.


I changed the profile (It's less angry and I only mention slicing penises twice). 


I've met three guys so far, talked to them, and after a few weeks of email communication, and concluding that okay he may not be a douche bag. . .I give them my number.


All three immediately send dick pics within that week.















Oh the replies that I gave these poor guys. . .I wish you all were there. . .I wish I could somehow screen shot them. . .I am a tech dinosaur after all.


Anyway, these text messages. . .well. . .some of my horror scenes didn't provide as much gory details as these text messages did.


One guy even said, "Geez lady, you're a good writer. I actually felt and smelled my penis burning from the inside, just like you said it would."


Anyway.


After blocking their numbers, I wondered to myself, "Self, am I being uptight. Is this just the new thing? Are dick pics a process in this new dating scene."


Perhaps,

You meet a guy.
You like him.
You give him your number.
He calls.
You both talk and then boom . . .




He's thinking to himself, "This is a proper time to show her what I'm working with. I bet she's just going to go all crazy with lust when she sees this."





Wow.

My friend and dating partner-in-crime gave me some great advice that I am going to try if this happens again. I won't say her name yet cause she'll be all like, "OMG!"





When a guy sends her a dick pic, she sends them a text message right back that says, 

"Oh good, I'm glad we're showing each other our dicks. Here's what mine looks like."

and she sends them a picture of the biggest dick she can find.




So far, no one replies back to her.


But who knows what will happen in the future! lol!



That's all this week. I hope to bring more ignorant Dating Rants to the blog.


Tell you the truth. . .this dating thing is kind of fun!

I'll prob write a book about it! We need a 2014 Waiting to Exhale novel. . . 

One with loads of DICK PICS!!!




















2 comments:

  1. LMAO!!! soooo I was laughing sooo hard my boss came out of her office and asked if I was ok becuase Im snorting and crying!!

    I love you! You are great!! Men are well....imbeciles and thus that explains the dick pics!

    ReplyDelete