I was married for 14 years.
Now I'm newly single, and let me tell you something. . .
things are different in the dating world.
There's these things called online dating sites, which (and don't laugh at me experienced single women) I think sites like okcupid are really a conspiracy created by a massively large group of men that gain pleasure from sending dick pics.
Anyone? Is this true? Dick Pic conspiracy? Yay or Nay.
Okay. I have a profile on Okcupid. And let me tell you, I think writing a good profile is an art. Initially, I thought I had a great self-narrative.
My friends read and said, "Kenya, you sound like a bitch."
I checked and. . .I may have been a bit angry. . .I simply listed characteristics of Douche Bags and said if they fit those, then don't message me.
Not a good idea. I wasn't supposed to date at that point anyway. I stopped the site and returned to healing.
Now I'm back to trying this single thing again.
I changed the profile (It's less angry and I only mention slicing penises twice).
I've met three guys so far, talked to them, and after a few weeks of email communication, and concluding that okay he may not be a douche bag. . .I give them my number.
All three immediately send dick pics within that week.
Oh the replies that I gave these poor guys. . .I wish you all were there. . .I wish I could somehow screen shot them. . .I am a tech dinosaur after all.
Anyway, these text messages. . .well. . .some of my horror scenes didn't provide as much gory details as these text messages did.
One guy even said, "Geez lady, you're a good writer. I actually felt and smelled my penis burning from the inside, just like you said it would."
After blocking their numbers, I wondered to myself, "Self, am I being uptight. Is this just the new thing? Are dick pics a process in this new dating scene."
You meet a guy.
You like him.
You give him your number.
You both talk and then boom . . .
He's thinking to himself, "This is a proper time to show her what I'm working with. I bet she's just going to go all crazy with lust when she sees this."
My friend and dating partner-in-crime gave me some great advice that I am going to try if this happens again. I won't say her name yet cause she'll be all like, "OMG!"
When a guy sends her a dick pic, she sends them a text message right back that says,
"Oh good, I'm glad we're showing each other our dicks. Here's what mine looks like."
and she sends them a picture of the biggest dick she can find.
So far, no one replies back to her.
But who knows what will happen in the future! lol!
That's all this week. I hope to bring more ignorant Dating Rants to the blog.
Tell you the truth. . .this dating thing is kind of fun!
I'll prob write a book about it! We need a 2014 Waiting to Exhale novel. . .
One with loads of DICK PICS!!!